


i'll be coming out for christmas

by consult_this_prick



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Chrsitmas, Coming Out, Gay, John is a bottom, Johnlock - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, New Years, Smut, americam au, sherlock is a top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:33:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consult_this_prick/pseuds/consult_this_prick
Summary: sherlock holmes is home for the holidays and decides to come out due to him not being able to contain his love for his best friend, john watson.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> all lowercase

sherlock relaxed in his seat as his flight got delayed for two hours. he took his phone out of his pocket and decided to call his mom, telling he'd be in later than planned.

once a family with a screaming infant sat next to him, he took out his ear buds and turned his music on, seeing the text:

_when you get home we should catch up._

he cleared the text from his notifications then set his phone on his chest, sinking further into his chair as he stared up at the ceiling. he was currently studying at harvard, coming home for christmas break to his small farm town in the middle of no where virginia. he didn't mind go home, but he just wanted to get away. he wanted to leave the small town and make something good out of himself that didn't have to deal with farming or his income depending on the crop season. his phone vibrated and he took it off his chest, looking down at the screen.

_don't be a twat, sherlock. i know your flight's delayed the least you can do is text me back._

sherlock opened the text and stared at the grey bubbles from his friend, seeing the three dots appear.

_don't leave me on read._

**_how are you, john?_ **

_you know how i'm doing._

**_not really, no._ **

_if you didn't ignore my texts you'd know._

_**suppose so. how's your boyfriend? forgot his name**_.

_it's james. and we're fine_.

**_good to hear._ **

sherlock knew john's boyfriend's name. never left his head. he was jealous of him. jealous that he got what sherlock has always wanted. what he's been in love with since sophomore year of high school. sherlock called himself pathetic and set his phone back down, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, ignoring the vibrations from his phone.

it's been about ten months for john and sholto. ever since john went to tour the university of virginia campus and got hit on by a guy in the library. john came home and went to sherlock, going on and on about the guy in the library and all sherlock could do was sit there and listen. no matter how bad he wanted to tell his best friend he was in love with him. then the rest of their senior year, john was always on his phone texting sholto or asking sherlock on weekends if he could meet sholto halfway so they could go out to dinner while sherlock sat in his car and tried not to cry. during the summer, sherlock spent time away from john, drowning himself in work to ignore his friend. it worked too. sherlock was able to leave for school without saying a long goodbye to john and he hated that, but it was for the best. sherlock didn't want to see him. every time he saw him his heart broke a little more.

by the time sherlock got home, it was past dinner time, but his mom made a plate for him and left it in the microwave, allowing him to eat once he said his hellos.

_you're home._

_we should hang out._

sherlock stared at the screen of his phone as he mushed his meatloaf with his fork.

"it's meatloaf, not mashed potatoes, son." mr holmes said as he walked over to the fridge.

sherlock stopped and looked at his plate, seeing that he completely mushed his meatloaf and decided he wasn't hungry anymore. he pushed the plate away slightly, feeling like the meatloaf was his heart and the fork was every time he saw or revived a text from john.

"you plan on seein' john?" sherlock's father asked him, cracking open a cold one.

sherlock shrugged. "not sure." he stood up with his plate, going to dump his mashed meatloaf in the trash.

"you two haven't seen each other since summer. the least you could do is stop by and saw hello to dorothy and henry."

"i really don't wanna see him, pa." sherlock said as he turned the sink on, rinsing his plate.

"why's that?" sherlock sighed, turning the sink off.

"it's complicated."

"but y'all have been friends since you were in diapers."

"things change." sherlock set his plate out to dry. "we've grown apart. it happens. night, dad." sherlock said then walked out of the kitchen, walking through the hall then going upstairs and locking himself in his room.

_are you mad at me or something?_

_you're being a dick, sherlock._

_fuck you._

sherlock sat on the edge of his bed, staring down at his phone screen, looking at the texts. he sighed and slipped his phone onto his nightstand, falling back onto his mattress. he grabbed his pillow, holding it over his face as he screamed into it, removing it from his face once he was finished. the pillow was wrapped tightly between sherlock's arms as he stared up at his ceiling, thinking about his best friend he was in love with who was in love with another guy and only saw him as a friend. sherlock rolled onto his stomach, pressing his face into his mattress as he sighed, letting out another muffled groan. he pulled the pillow out from him then grabbed his phone off his night stand as it started to buzz.

_john would like to facetime._

sherlock sat up, hitting the chat bubble and typing in an excuse that he was about to get in the shower. a shower actually sounded nice right now. he was all sticky and gross from the flight and normally a shower relaxed him when he was stressed.

_i want to talk to you._

_**we can talk tomorrow**_.

_live up to your word sherlock or i'm coming over there._

sherlock got up and went to his suitcase, taking out his phone charger before going back to he bed and moving his nightstand out of the way, plugging his block into the wall then plugging the charger into his phone. he walked out of his bedroom, going to the linen closet and taking out a towel before going to the bathroom. his father had walked passed the bathroom, his heavy steps receding down the hall and to his bedroom.

there was a moment of relief when the hot water hit shelrock's chest, running down his nude body. instead of relaxing, the thoughts of john came flooding into sherlock's mind. the memories of them down at the river after working on the watson's farm, hot and sweaty the temperature breaking records. they had gotten out of sherlock's truck and went their normal path down to the section of the river on the watson's property. john had started undressing first, tossing his boxers to the side before diving in off the dock. sherlock was stuck on the side, watching his friend break the surface of the water, smiling widely at him, telling him to jump in. tightness in sherlock's jeans started to distract him as he watched his friend try to persuade him to jump in.

the wholesome tan body of the blond body filled sherlock's mind. the way he looked in the summer heat with his fringe sticking the his sweat soaked forehead or the way his jeans stuck to his ass, the curved beauty popping out as he bent over, picking up another hay bale. sherlock rested his forearm against the cool tile of the shower, letting the water his his back as his other hand traveled down his body. he closed his eyes, wondering how the arse of his best friend would look perked out in front of him, engulfing his cock.

sherlock stepped out of the shower, grabbing his towel off the hook then wrapping it around his hips. he took a minute to collect himself, getting the thoughts of his friend out of his head. "stupid, stupid, stupid," sherlock muttered as he picked up his clothes off the floor, putting them in the laundry basket before going back to his room.

"you're disgusting." he told himself as he dug through his suit case, pulling out a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of his sweatpants. "absolutely disgusting." he tossed his towel on his desk chair, changing then getting into bed, shoving his face into his pillow and letting out a frustrated yell.

he pulled his face out of his pillow, starring at the darkness of his room, regretting coming home this early. he should've taken the chem lab shifts, but his mother insisted that he should come down to spend more time with family and she bought his plane tickets, so he couldn't say no. he really wanted to. he knew that john would be all up in his business, trying to get him to talk, but if sherlock saw john in person his heart would probably snap in two and then his entire body. it was unhealthy the way he felt towards his best friend. it was unhealthy to be in love with another boy. from what sherlock learned in sunday school, he'd be hated if he was gay. he'd be thrown out of his house and disowned. his best friend would disown him too. call him a freak and perverted for ever having a crush on him.

the family thing wasn't true because his parents still loved john like their third son and nothing changed when he came out. but the thoughts about john were probably true. sherlock played it through his head. him confessing his feelings to his best friend, him rejecting him and calling him things then never speaking to him again. it played in sherlock's head like a movie. a movie that left him heartbroken and that pit like feeling in his gut. he needed to get over it, but he just didn't know how.


	2. lunch

_you promised we'll see each other today._

sherlock starred down at his phone screen. another text appeared.

_i can easily drive to your house._

_don't be a dick, sherlock._

sherlock slumped into his seat, letting out a huff. he looked at the ceiling, thinking if he should make up an excuse or actually out in the effort to see john. they could go out for lunch. sherlock remembered his mom was going shopping with mrs. watson and his father was out working on god knows what. he's always doing something.

_**uncle bucks at noon?** _

an instant response.

_you better be there._

**_i'll be there._ **

sherlock pushed himself off the sofa, deciding sweatpants, a tee shirt a fuzzy socks isn't proper attire to reunite with his best friend. sherlock rolled his eyes at how gay that sounded in his head as he went upstairs. he went into his room, deciding it was time to unpack his suitcase and do laundry, so that's what he did to pass time.

sherlock sat in the local small town restaurant, sitting in a booth as he waited for john to arrive. the usual lunch rush was buzzing around him as he squished his straw wrapper between his fingers before flicking it into the booth across him. he slouched into the cushion behind him as he looked at his watch, seeing it was ten after noon. he sighed and took his phone out of his pocket, seeing a text from john.

_running late. sorry._

of course he was running late. he always was. especially when it was something to do with sherlock. he was probably bringing james with him. god if he was sherlock would get up and walk out because he did not agree to that and john never mentioned it. sherlock set his phone on his folded jacket next to him, placing his hands in his lap as he watched the window, tapping his fingers on the table top.

it wasn't until quarter after noon when john showed up. he saw sherlock sitting at the booth and went to him, removing his coat then sitting in the booth, looking at his friend with a smile. "sorry. james and i got into a fight."

"it's alright." sherlock said. the fight was about john going out to lunch with sherlock. he knew it just by the way john checked his phone once he sat down, clearing the text he had received then set his phone on his coat. "i didn't know if you wanted sweet tea or coffee, so i didn't order a drink for you." sherlock said.

"that's fine." john said. he looked over his friend, seeing the only thing that had changed was that he had gotten thinner and john never thought that'd be possible. his phone went off next to him and he sighed, grabbing his phone and putting it on do not disturb, not even looking at the text from his boyfriend. "so, how's harvard?" he asked.

"it's good," sherlock nodded, "cold as hell, but it's good." he cleared his throat, wanting this small talk awkwardness to vanish. "and how's uva?"

john scratched the back of his head. "i plan on transferring to john hopkins after this year."

that's your problem for choosing the same school your boyfriend goes to. sherlock even told him not to, but john insisted that he really wanted to and not because it's where james went. "did you get in?" sherlock asked. "that's a private university."

"i got in." john said with a smile. "it's the nursing program, but i'll have to do four years there because i haven't started my nursing classes yet."

"what does sholto think of it?"

john's smile fell as he looked at his hands. "he's mad about it and he's being crazy about it, but i still have a whole semester at uva." he gained eye contact with sherlock again. "it's my decision, but he's acting like it's ours and that it'll effect our relationship. and he gave me shit about meeting you for lunch. yelled at me over the phone."

shocker. "isn't he meeting up with his old friends too?"

john nodded. "he went to a bar last night. but he didn't tell me." he shook his head. "it's whatever, but he's really been pissing me off."

"what can i get ya john?" the waiter, henry asked.

"i'll have coffee." john gave henry a smile. "are you two ready to order?"

"can i get the turkey club then a later order for a double cheeseburger with onions and mayo?" sherlock asked.

henry nodded. "does your dad want fries or coleslaw?" he asked as he wrote it down on the order pad.

"both."

"what can i get you john?"

"chicken noodle soup please. with extra crackers."

henry nodded. "be right out, boys." he said before going back into the kitchen.

"you never said bye to me when you left for school." john said, pulling the buried hatchet out of the ground.

sherlock felt his ears get hot. he looked down at his glass of water only having enough sense to say, "sorry."

"sorry doesn't work, sherlock!" john sighed, calming himself before reaching across the table and choking out his friend. "it was a real dick of a move. especially ignoring me every time i brought it up."

sherlock looked at john again. he was wearing a light blue sweater with a partial turtle neck and it looked absolutely sublime on him. sholto must've bought it for him. john was a jobless college student. he definitely couldn't buy new clothes.

"are you going to speak?" john asked, slightly pissed. henry set a mug down in front of john, saying their food wouldn't be too long.

"i'm sorry." sherlock said. "i just couldn't see you before i left."

john scoffed. "you couldn't see me before you left? we've been friends forever and you couldn't see me before you left for a semester in boston?"

"if you knew why you'd understand." sherlock looked at his hands, feeling that empty gut feeling like last nights.

"you're a major cunt sometimes, ya know that?" john asked. he took a second to take a swig of his coffee. "but you're my best friend and i haven't seen you in months so i'll drop the topic."

sherlock gave john a weak smile. "so how long is your break?"

"i have until the fifteenth." john set his coffee down. "you?"

"i took chem lab duties, so the tenth."

"remember when you blew up the chem lab at school?" john asked with a small laugh.

"god, mr. runyan was pissed. never seen him so hot headed before." sherlock laughed. "ms. wyciffle was horrified. oh my god i still remember her face."

"your parents were pissed," john laughed softly.

sherlock frowned, rubbing his face at the memories. "god, i remember working my ass off all summer to pay for some of the remodeling." he looked at his friend who was smiling at him. "but, that doesn't beat when you fell through the bass drum at one of the football games."

"those band kids were pissed," john laughed. "i swear i thought they were going to gang up on me."

sherlock smiled. "senior year was great."

"it was. is it bad that i miss it here?" he asked, looking around the quaint restaurant.

sherlock shook his head. "everyone always ends up back here."

john looked back at his friend. "do you think you will?"

"no. i've got bigger plans with my life then working on the farm." shelrock's mind flipped back to thinking about his crush on his friend across from him. "how 'bout you?"

john shrugged. "i don't know. it's home here and i know i'll find better work somewhere else, but i feel like i'm glued to this place. ya know?"

sherlock shook his head. "i want to get out of this place as soon as i can." he picked up his glass, taking a sip of his water. he wanted to get away from his friend. away from the his shitty hometown. somewhere else where no one could contact him and he could be alone with his work. maybe iceland. sherlock's always been attracted to iceland.

henry arrived with their food. "and i'll put that order in for your dad once y'all are finished." henry said to sherlock.

"thanks henry." he gave the waiter a smile.

they ate, laughing and telling jokes as time passed. sherlock still felt his heart rate pick up a bit every time john smiled at him or his foot gently ran over his own on accident. it was difficult to sit there and act like nothing was bothering him. he was being eaten alive by his heart but his head told him to ignore it. that this was all just a phase and it'll fade once he's back at school because it was gone until he had gotten home.

john had left in a hurry on the phone with sholto and sherlock could hear him yelling from the other end. john thanked sherlock then walked out quickly as he put on his jacket. sherlock sink into the booth some, waiting for henry to come by so he could get the check and his father's food before he headed out.

the cold stung sherlock's face as he walked out of the restaurant, walking around the building to where he parked his car, getting in. he put the styrofoam box in the passenger seat then started the car, turning the heat up. he looked out the passenger side window and saw john sitting in his mother's suv, so frustrated he was almost in tears. a part of sherlock wanted to get out and go and comfort his friend, but the other part just wanted to let him deal with it and drive away.

"it was just lunch, james!" john shouted into the phone.

"is that why you didn't want me to come visit? because it was just lunch?" sholto asked over the phone.

john looked out his window and saw sherlock sitting in his car, looking at him. "i'm not doing this." he sniffled, looking at his steering wheel. "you went out to a bar and didn't tell me. i found out because of the shit chris posted. so i don't want to hear it. i went out to lunch with my best friend. get your head out of your ass, james." john said then hung up, looking over at sherlock again.

sherlock gave him a sympathetic look and nodded once. john wiped his face and nodded. he looked down at his phone as it went off, seeing that sherlock had sent a text.

**_want to vent?_ **

john laughed softly. he looked over at the car a few spots over and smiled before looking down at his phone.

 _maybe later. i need a cool down period. text me then. i'll be home_.

sherlock looked up, locking eyes with john. the blond gave him a smile and a thumbs up before backing out of his spot then driving out of the parking lot. sherlock set his phone into the cup holder and sighed. he may have just made a mistake.

a very big one.


	3. hot chocolate

after sherlock had dropped the lunch he had got his father off with him, he made his way to john's house after, receiving the text asking if he could come over. his stomach was turning as he drove to his friends house, not ready to spend time alone with him again, but he was a friend. so sherlock was entitled to it. he pulled into the drive way, sitting in his car for a few minutes before forcing himself to get out and go into what was pretty much his second childhood home. the house was about as big as his own, big and white, but the watson's didn't have a wrap around porch like his home did. he walked up the steps then to the front door, letting himself in.

the scent of mrs. watson's homemade cinnamon wax melts filled his nose and he felt at home. he toed his shoes off, putting them on the mat next to john's boots. he hung up his coat and scarf, looking around the house before walking upstairs silently. he turned right and went to the second door on his left, standing in the doorway of john's room, seeing him sitting on his bed, typing furiously on his phone.

"still angry?" sherlock asked. john jumped some, letting out a small yelp. "oh my god, sherlock! i didn't even hear you come in."

sherlock chuckled. "good thing i'm not a killer." he went over to john's desk and pulled out the chair, sitting in it, putting quite some distance between them.

"james is apologizing for the way he's been acting, but i'm still pissed about last night." john said as he started to type again. "and today for him overreacting and making me feel like a piece of shit." he sent the text then set his phone down, looking at his friend.

"i think you should ignore him for a bit." sherlock stood up. "and come downstairs and we'll make hot chocolate, spike it some, then watch elf on a continuous loop until we get sick of it."

john laughed softly. "mom made fudge and ginger snaps."

"then let's get our asses down there." he grabbed john's wrists, pulling him off the bed. when he leaned over to get his phone, sherlock pulled him away. "leave it." he said then pushed the laughing john out of his bedroom.

they went down to the kitchen and started making their hot chocolate. as sherlock mixed the milk with the powder, john went through his parents 'adult' cabinet. "vodka good?" he asked his friend.

"your parents don't drink vodka." sherlock looked over at the blond who sat on the floor in front of a cupboard.

john unscrewed the cap and took a riff, gagging. "oh my god." he coughed, holding it out. "smell it."

sherlock walked over to him, taking the bottle. he brought it to his nose and pulled it away, instantly smelling it. "no, no." he gave it to john. "put it back. we're not drinking that."

john laughed and took the bottle back, screwing the cap back onto it before putting it all the way in the back of the cupboard where it belonged. "some whiskey?" he asked his friend, looking at the labels of the bottles.

"bourbon would be better." sherlock went to the fridge. he opened it, taking out the small plate of fudge that had a piece of paper with his name on it. mrs. watson had set some aside for him. he took it out, setting it on the table as he took the saran wrap off the plate, taking a square of the peanut butter fudge and popping it into his mouth, forgetting how good it was.

john stood with a bottle of bourbon, pouring a bit in the two coffee mugs that sat on the table. "save some for me." john pointed to the fudge as he put the bottle away.

sherlock grabbed the plate and a mug. "come on then." he hurried out to the living room, careful not to spill his drink. he set both items on the coffee table, plopping down onto the sofa.

john set his mug down along with a plate with a few ginger snaps, grabbing a square of fudge as he went to the tv that hung on the wall above the mantel piece. the tv was probably the only modern thing in this house. mr. watson had won it in a raffle at best buy, not refusing the offer. he spent his sunday's reclined in his lay z boy shouting at the tv along with mr. holmes.

"james hates the movie elf." john said as he put the dvd into the player.

sherlock rolled his eyes. he wish john would just shut up about james. he was a dick that didn't deserve john. but john loved him and his heart is too big to realize that his boyfriend is a douche. so sherlock is forced to put up with it.

"says it's annoying." john added as he grabbed the remote. he closed the curtains, blocking out the sun reflecting onto the tv before sitting down next to his friend.

"well james is annoying." sherlock leaned forward, grabbing his mug and john's. "elf is amazing."

john huffed out a laugh. "you know he doesn't like you." he pressed play on the movie.

sherlock handed john his mug. "oh i know. i've known that since you two started dating." he took a swig of his hot chocolate, humming. "damn that's strong."

john took a swig, letting out a breath. "a good kind of strong."

sherlock nodded in agreement, taking another swig, john joining him.

as they watched the movie, sherlock could've sworn john scooted a centimeter closer every few minutes until their thighs were touching. it wasn't like they sat this close before, but they were both a bit tipsy after drinking all their spiked hot chocolate. and the fact that all sherlock could think about was his best friend. being pinned down. moaning his name. sherlock subtlety moved a pillow into his lap, hugging it tightly. he lost focus in the movie and thought of many different things to get the topic of his mind change, but it refused. then john lay his head on shelrock's shoulder and he almost came right then and there in his pants.

it was normal for friends to sit like this. right? sherlock wasn't sure. him and john never sat together like this before. ever. then those fingertips ran over his knee and hesitantly the palm rested on his knee. this was not normal. all the warnings and sirens were going off in sherlock's mind, but sherlock was frozen. he was remembering how it felt to be touched like that because it would most likely never happen again. his head turned and he looked at his friend who was looking at him.

john lifted his head, his eyes meeting with the grey ones in front of him and he smiled with his lips. that smile that he got every time he looked at something he adored and sherlock couldn't resist to move in closer when the hand on his knee moved down some. his arm was on the back of the sofa as he held himself from closing the small gap between him and his best friend.

but then it happened.

john moved in first, giving sherlock a chaste kiss. he pulled away and giggled softly, a smile glued onto his face.

sherlock knew it wasn't right. they were both a bit tipsy and john was in a relationship. a committed one too.

then those soft lips were against his again. and sherlock couldn't resist. he kissed back, lifting a hand to cup the side of his friend's face, finally getting to know what the warm skin felt like against his hand. how his cheek fit perfectly into the palm of his hand. he should pull away. he really should. but john made the first move. but sherlock should've pulled away the first time.

sherlock pulled away, causing the blond to frown. "what's wrong?" john asked.

sherlock sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "this." he looked at john again. "you're in a relationship!"

john pulled his knees to his chest, holding himself as he put his knees between his head. "james cheated on me."

"so this is just pay back?" sherlock scoffed, shaking his head as he got up. "i never thought you could be this low." sherlock walked to the front door, pulling his shoes on as anger started boiling inside him. he was viewed as some tool to john apparently. showed how much he cared.

"sherlock, please." john's wet voice came from behind him.

sherlock put his hand on the hook where his coat was. "what?" he turned and saw john standing there, tears streaming down his face. sherlock felt his heart break.

"you're all i have." he sniffled, wiping his face with the sleeves of his sweater. he brought his hands down from his face and gave sherlock that look. the look that john gave him the first time him james got into a huge fight. his expression was soft, but his eyes were wide and asking for help. that was one thing john never did. he hated admitting he needed help. he thought it made him weak and venerable.

"please." john begged softly. sherlock turned back to his coat and took it off the hook, putting it on. guilt coated the anger inside him and he turned to john. "i can't be used. i'm your friend. not an object."

"i know that!" john exclaimed. "just- please." he said calmly.

sherlock turned to the door, placing a hand on the knob, but he couldn't push himself to open it. he couldn't leave john alone. he was his friend and lately he's been a shitty on. "i need to know what that kiss was." he turned around again. "was it because you like me or to get back at sholto?"

john sniffled, shrugging. "i'm not sure."

there it is! sherlock was just being used! "really fucking low, john. i thought you were better." sherlock said then opened the front door, leaving with rage boiling inside him. he took his keys out from his pocket and got into his car, focused on getting out.

he pulled out onto the road and heading in town. he buckled up once he was at the stoplight, calming himself some. he got on the highway, heading west to get out of town for a little bit. just until he was calm enough to return because he was at his breaking point. he knew that he shouldn't have went over to john's. he was just asking for his feelings to get hurt.

"god, you're such an idiot." sherlock laughed at himself. he had the nerve to just drive back to school. he had his phone and his wallet. he'd be fine.

he didn't realize that he was speeding until the blue lights appeared behind him. he pulled to the side of the road, putting his car in park as he reached over to his glove department, taking out the registration for his car. he looked into his side mirror to see the officer walking to his car and it wasn't just a regular officer, it was his uncle. he sighed and rolled down his window, smiling.

"hey, uncle rudy."

"you were going seventy. speed limit is fifty five. license and registration." he stood at the window, watching his nephew take his lisence out of his wallet.

sherlock handed the paper and his card to his uncle.

"i'm not gonna tell your parents because they're under enough stress about about brother not coming home. i'm letting you off with a warning. but, you have to go back home and calm down." he handed sherlock his car registration and license back.

"thanks uncle rudy."

rudy patted sherlock's shoulder. "it's not healthy to be upset. confront your problems. get it off your chest."

"i'm gay." sherlock said, watching his uncle smile at him.

"i'm here for you, sherlock. if you need anything, give me a call." sherlock nodded, feeling a bit better. "just don't tell anyone. please. i haven't exactly, ya know."

"i know. now go home." rudy turned and walked back to his suv.

sherlock sighed as he rolled his window up. that was a start. and of course his uncle was open about it, he was also gay. he tucked his license back into his wallet and put his registration away before driving again. he turned around at the next intersection, heading east this time. he was feeling a bit better. getting what was causing him the most pressure off his chest gave him some relief. but now he had to come out to his parents. and the rest of his family.

that's going to be one hell of a christmas present.


	4. christmas eve

it was christmas eve. sherlock helped his mother set up the dining room table, carrying out plates and baskets of yeast rolls. he kept himself confined in the kitchen and dining room, staying away from john. it was always a tradition to eat together. they were like one big family and every year they switched what house they would eat at and this year it was the holmeses.

it's been six days since sherlock spoke to john and as far as sherlock knows, john at sholto we're still together. sherlock constantly checked john's profiles, seeing that all of his bios still had sholto's name in them. so either they worked it out or they broke up, but john cant let go. either way, sherlock should just stop thinking about john in general because their friendship was over.

"sherlock, get the pie from the oven, will you?" mrs. holmes asked her son as she carried the ham out to the dining room.

sherlock grabbed an oven mitt, putting it on as he turned the timer on the stove off. he opened the stove, pulling out the apple pie out and setting it on the counter. he shut the oven door, taking the mitt. "do you want it out there, ma?" he shouted slightly.

"please!"

sherlock put the oven mitt on again, picking the pie up then carrying it carefully to the dining room. everyone started to pile into the dining room, standing behind their seats as mr. holmes cut the ham. sherlock set the pie next to the pumpkin one, leaving the mitt under it so it didn't burn the table cloth. he went to the empty seat at the corner of the table next to his uncle and stood.

"would you like to lead us in prayer, dorothy?" mrs. holmes asked mrs. watson.

"of course." mrs. watson smiled.

everyone bowed their heads, closing their eyes as mrs. watson started praying. sherlock kept his eyes open, staring down at his empty plate as he felt a pair of eyes on him. he lifted his head slightly, seeing john staring at him from across the far end of the table. sherlock brought his head up, gaining full eye contact with john. they stood like that, just starting at each other as their families had their heads bowed in prayer.

sherlock could see it in john's eyes. he's been crying. there were bags under his eyes and there was stubble growing. him and sholto definitely broke up. john wasn't even caring about his appearance. his button up under his sweater wasn't tucked in, his cuffs weren't buttoned in the second hole and he was picking at his nails again.

"amen." came the voices around the table.

sherlock looked down, pulling his chair out and sitting down. he felt and elbow nudge him and he looked over at his uncle.

"you alright?" rudy asked softly.

sherlock nodded. "how do think everyone would feel if i came out during dessert?" he asked, careful his father didn't hear.

"it's your decision. not mine." rudy said, patting shelrock's forearm. he turned and took the dish of green beans that was being passed down.

sherlock looked over at his father who was sitting at the end of the table. his father smiled at him before telling him to pay attention because everything was being passed around.

there was chatter and laughter throughout the dinner. both families were smiling and laughing, sharing memories of past christmases or stories from back in the day when the adults were teens and what they did. sherlock found out that his father set a christmas tree on fire on accident because he plugged in bad christmas lights. and it wasn't just any old tree, is was his future wife's tree. that's why shelrock's grandparents were never that found of his father. durning dinner, sherlock caught glances of john looking at him, but he ignored them and looked some where else. his night was going good as he didn't want it to be ruined until he was going to ruin the night for everyone else. it wasn't his intention, but it's been eating him ever since he came out to his uncle and he just had to do it. he couldn't take the pressure of his greatest secret anymore.

once the dinner plates were cleared, mrs. holmes and mrs. watson brought out the numerous deserts they had made. there was pie, peanut butter balls, peanut butter fudge, assortment of cookies. anything you craved was on the table.

"get yourself some desert, son." mr. holmes said before stuffing his mouth with a fork full of carrot cake. "get some meat on them bones."

sherlock looked at the goods on the table, snatching a few ginger snaps and putting them on his plate.

"now would be the time while the chatter is down." rudy said softly to his nephew.

sherlock took a bite of his ginger snap, washing it down with his glass of milk before standing up. "i'd like to say something." he said as he looked around the table. at his family, then to his second family. "i've been meaning to say it for quite some years now, but i finally have the balls now." he looked at his mother and father. "i'm gay." he said. his mother got up from her seat and walked around the table, pulling her son into a tight embrace.

"i love you." his mother said. she pulled away. "and we still love you the same. nothing will change, but we will be expecting a nice boy to come home with you next christmas."

sherlock chuckled and looked down at his father who was smiling up at him. "one damn christmas present if you ask me." he said.

sherlock laughed, the rest of the room laughing with him. his father stood and gave him a hug, patting him on the back. he pulled away, a smile still plastered on his face. "proud of ya. takes a lot of guts to come out. some i may never have."

"you asked mom's parents for their blessing. that takes some guts." sherlock said.

"damn right it does." mr. holmes said before he sat down again.

sherlock looked over to the other side of the table, seeing mr. and mrs. watson smiling at him. he smiled back then sat down, looking at john who got up quietly from his seat, telling his mother something before walking out of the dining room. part of sherlock told him to go after him, but the other part told him to stay seated and eat his ginger snaps. he stayed in his seat, asking for the peanut butter balls.

after everyone was finished with dessert, they broke out the eggnog and migrated to the living room for their traditional watching of miracle on 34th street and home alone. during the first movie, sherlock got up from his seat, weaving his way through family and to the stair case. he walked up the steps silently, seeing john sitting in the small lounge area by the steps.

"you okay?" sherlock asked.

"why do care?" john sniffled. "you left me. james left me." he looked up at sherlock. "my mother couldn't listen to me rant because she was too busy. too busy to listen to her own fucking son." he looked into his lap again. "i don't even know why i try anymore. james is ignoring me and you're out here, happy and carefree. and i thought people were my friends, but once i went to them with my problems, they ignored me." he started crying.

sherlock went over to the love seat, standing in front of john. he grabbed his wrists and pulled him up, wrapping his arms around his friend and hugging him. "let it out." he rubbed john's back. "it's okay."

john relaxed into sherlock, sobbing. he calmed down after a few minutes, keeping his arms wrapped around sherlock's waist, not wanting the moment to end.

sherlock cupped john's cheek, pulling his face out from his shoulder, smiling down at him. "you know, i ignored you when i first got home because i couldn't bear seeing you." sherlock wiped the blond's tears with his thumbs. "i didn't say good bye because i felt like i would have told you my feelings and you would never have spoke to me again." sherlock buttoned john's cuffs. "and i couldn't lose an amazing friend like you. and i pretty much did because i pushed you away."

john looked down, taking both of sherlock's hands in his, tangling their fingers together. "how long?" he looked up at his friend.

"the summer after sophomore year." the space between them became a bit smaller. "you?"

"after you left with out saying goodbye."

there was a second of just starring before sherlock made the first move, letting go of john's hand. he put his finger under the chin of the blond, tilting his head up more then catching him into a kiss. john stepped closer, his hands resting on the boney hips, gripping the fabric of sherlock's shirt.

it felt right. they were both pieces of a puzzle. a five hundred pieced puzzle and it only took them nineteen years to find the last two missing pieces. each other.

john pulled away first, needing a breath of air. he smiled up at his friend, wanting to stay like this forever.

"we need to get down there." sherlock gently traced john's cheek bone with his thumb, admiring the way the tanned skin looked against his pale tone.

john pressed his face into the crook of the taller man's neck. "do we really?" he inhaled the scent of his body was and coffee beans.

"afraid so." sherlock kissed the top of john's head. "but, we can sit under a blanket and i'll hold your hand and you can lay on my shoulder."

john hummed. "you got me there."

"c'mon then." sherlock took john's hand, pulling away and turning to the steps.

they walked into the living room silently, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa where harry was sitting. sherlock grabbed the afghan that he had covering his lap earlier, putting it over their laps then snaking his hand under it, lacing his fingers with john's, loving the way their hands felt together. after a few minutes, john's body relaxed against sherlock's, his head falling onto his shoulder and sherlock smiled to himself. this was all he ever wanted. all he could ever ask for.

best christmas present ever.


	5. bonus// new years

sherlock lay in bed with his blanket to his chin as he smiled at his phone.

_you're a loser. you're spending time with your family and not the best boyfriend ever for new years._

_**that's a bit of an overstatement.** _

_i hope you imagined me rolling my eyes._

_**i did.** _

**_i'll be back by eleven. mom and dad are staying the night, but i'm coming back._ **

_so that means i can come over?_

**_yes._ **

_and your parents won't be home?_

_**yes**._

_sounds cool. i'll be there._

**_john watson, i know what you're thinking._ **

_and what is that?_

**_just know that i don't have a twin bed anymore._ **

this was all too good to be true. sherlock didn't think this was going to last long. it was probably going to end after they both went back to school when john realizes how much he misses james. that was the worst part of john. he could never really let go. he always went back to the same thing that made him unhappy, trying to find happiness with it again. it hurt sherlock just to think about it, but it was most likely going to happen. all sherlock could do now is enjoy the moment. enjoy the thing he's always wanted, but knew he couldn't have.

new year's eve, sherlock went to his grandparents house with his parents, going home after because he didn't feel like staying the night there and he wanted to spend time with john. his parents were only staying because there was supposed to be snow over night and they were supposed to get a foot or two. when sherlock left, the snow had started, but it didn't bother him. it's not like he hasn't driven in it before. his grandparents lived in the neighboring town, so on his way home he stopped and picked up some supplies for tonight.

when sherlock was checking out, he got odd stares from the woman behind the register. it was a small town and everyone knew everyone. god knows some one would tell his mother that he was seen buying condoms and lube new year's eve. he was handed his bag and sherlock fled out, not wasting anytime to get to his father's truck. the snow had picked up and there was a thin layer on the road, but he just drove slower. thank god his father let him use his truck because there was no way his car would've been able to make it.

as sherlock pulled into his driveway, he already spotted john's truck and pulled in next to it. he grabbed the bag and headed in quickly, the snow getting heavier and the wind picking up. the front door was unlocked and when he walked in, he saw john sitting in the steps.

"hey," sherlock said with a smile as he set the bag down, shrugging off his coat.

john stood up, stepping down the few steps and into sherlock's arms. "what's in that bag?" he asked.

"...stuff."

john raised a brow. "stuff, huh?"

sherlock nodded.

"stuff that includes your not twin bed anymore?" john wrapped his arms around sherlock's neck, inching closer to his face.

"perhaps." sherlock said then pecked john's lips. "it's coming down out there. might get snowed in."

"more time for us then." john gave sherlock another kiss before he stepped back.

"grab that bag with stuff in it and let's get busy."

sherlock smiled to himself as he watched john turn around and head up the stairs. his smile faded once john was out of view and he bent over, picking up the bag. his mind kept telling him this was a mistake. that after this would hurt him more than if he would've just stayed away. god he was stupid. sherlock toed off his shoes before heading up the steps and to his room.

john was sitting on the bed, watching sherlock with a smile. "hey, you," he stood up, "why that face?"

sherlock shrugged then set the bag down on his desk. "it's nothing." the soft hand pressed against his cheek and his eyes met with the blue ones of his boyfriend.

"hey, i've known you for eighteen years. i can tell when something is bothering you. what's up?"

sherlock sighed, taking john's hand off his cheek and holding it, looking down at their hands. "what will happen when we both go back to school?" he looked up at john. "you'll see james again and realize how much he meant to you and fall for him again."

john scoffed. "and why do you think that?" he asked. "hmmm?"

"because this is too good to be true," sherlock huffed out a laugh. "i've always wanted this and now that i have it, it won't last long. like redbeard."

"listen here, idiot," john said strongly, "james was a liar and a cheater. i'd never go near him again. ever. okay?" he asked, watching sherlock nod. "you are the one for me, sherlock holmes. it's taken me years to realize it, but it's true. i promise that, okay? i love you, ya goon."

sherlock sniffled. "i just- i just don't believe it for some reason." he huffed out a laugh.

"why not?"

sherlock stepped back, wiping his face. "because i was never allowed to have you, and- and now i am and i just don't think it's true."

john pulled sherlock to him, kissing him deeply. "shut up. shut the fuck up." he muttered. he cupped sherlock's face, wiping his tears. "it is true and you better get used to it because i'm here for the long run and i swear to god, sherlock, if one more thing comes out of your mouth about us not being together i will hit you. and i'm not joking."

sherlock laughed softly, nodding. he kissed john again, pushing him back until the backs of his knees his the mattress and he was falling down. they separated and sherlock smiled down at him. "i love you, too."

"if you'd love me, you'd get this sweater off and that stuff off your desk." john lifted up shelrock's sweater.

sherlock grinned, standing up and pulling his sweater off, tossing it before going to the bag. john sat up, taking his own tee shirt off as he watched sherlock open a box of condoms. he lay down, watching his pale boyfriend smirk at him saying, "best get those jeans off before i do it for you." he shot him a wink before turning back to the desk and opening a bottle of lube.

john undid his belt, pulling his jeans down and kicking them off. the brunet came over and set the condom and bottle of lube on the bed, dropping his own jeans and john could see the outline of his cock. god, he's been thinking of this moment since christmas and now it was finally here and john was over the top happy.

sherlock kneeled onto the bed, getting in between john's thighs, leaning over and kissing him. he let his hips relax, his clothed cock rubbing against john's, causing a soft noise escape the blond's throat. sherlock needed to hear it again, louder, so he grinded against the boy underneath him, earning a louder moan and he pulled away from the kiss, pressing his thumb to the bottom of john's chin and pushing his head up, kissing his neck. john's legs locked around his hips as he did that, pulling him flush against him again.

"please, sherlock." john panted.

sherlock nipped the skin on john's neck, receiving a small yelp. "i've dreamed of this moment." sherlock left open mouthed kisses on his skin. "all the different sounds you'd make, how you'd taste and what would make you tick." he kissed down to the sensitive pink bud on john's chest, licking a stripe over it.

"please!" john whined.

a hand pulled at sherlock's hair and he growled softly as he continued to lick over the small bud, rubbing the other between his fingers. the grip of the hand grew tighter as john's moans became louder.

"sherl, please!" he begged.

sherlock stopped, lifting his head up and kissing john again as his fingers slipped into the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down and off with the help of john lifting his hips. then came his own and he moaned out when the wet hand wrapped around his cock.

"oh, god." sherlock almost collapsed onto john, but held himself up.

john giggled and smirked, pulling a long, slow tug, admiring the way sherlock's face looked and the way he moaned his name. "you're cock is so perfect," john hummed, "nice and long. not too thick, but just enough for me. i want you to stuff this perfect cock up my ass. i want you to fuck me, sherlock." his thumb pressed to the tip of his cock and sherlock thrusted into his hand some. "can you do that for me? can you fuck me?"

"yes, yes. god yes." sherlock leaned down and kissed john hard and opened mouthed, grabbing the lube. he squeezed some lube onto his fingers then pushed a single one into the blond underneath him, causing him to pull away from the kiss and moan.

"god, even your fingers are perfect." john grabbed the pillows from beside his head, putting it under his hips before sherlock started thrusting that perfect finger in and out of him before adding a second one. soon a third.

"i'm ready. please, sherlock, i'm ready."

sherlock nodded. "i know, baby. just hold on." sherlock removed his fingers, grabbing the condom that he set on the bed. he ripped it open with his teeth, pulling it out of the wrapper quickly then rolling it onto his cock, grabbing the lube.

he positioned himself between john's legs, pushing in slowly, moaning at the tight heat that swallowed him right up. he leaned over john once he was in balls deep, staying like that for a second so they both could get comfortable.

"i know you've got more than this in you." john said, wrapping his arms around sherlock's neck.

sherlock smiled, leaning down and kissing john as he pulled out slowly, pushing back in slowly. john moaned into his mouth, his hand finding their way into the curls, gripping them as sherlock kept up with his rhythm, slowly starting to pick up the pace.

john pulled away from the kiss, his mouth falling open and a moan escaping as sherlock thrusted into him quicker. "harder," john breathed.

a low growl came out of sherlock as he snapped his hips forward, angling his hips with each forceful thrust, watching his face for when he hit his sweet spot. and when he did, sherlock thought it was the most beautiful thing he ever witnessed.

john threw his head back, his hand tightening in the curls as his mouth fell wide open. "right there! oh fuck, fuck, again, do it again!" his other hand fell to sherlock's shoulder blade, digging into the soft flesh as sherlock kept that angle.

"shit," sherlock groaned as he used all his force to stay angled in that one spot, going as hard and quick as his body would let him. "touch yourself."

john's hand fell from sherlock's back and found its was to his neglected cock. he eagerly stroked himself, his climax coming quick and fast all over his stomach. his body shivered as sherlock continued his thrusts, slowing them as he felt his own climax rising. he gave one more hard thrust into john before releasing into the condom, his head falling onto the moist chest underneath him.

"wear you out?" john panted with a grin.

sherlock laughed softly, kissing john's chest before pulling out. "a bit, yeah." he pecked john's lips before getting up. he walked out, going to the bathroom and tossing the condom before getting a wash cloth and wetting it some. he walked back to his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed and wiping john's stomach clean.

"it's the new year." john said with a smile. "we fucked into the new year."

sherlock laughed, tossing the cloth, aiming it at his laundry hamper. "great way to start a new year, if you ask me." sherlock got up to turn his bedroom light off.

"any hopes for the new year?"

sherlock walked back to his bed, getting in beside the blond, pulling the sheets over them and getting settled before he answered. "that we stay together. yours?"

john scooted closer to sherlock, resting his head on his chest, drawing light patterns on the pale chest. "that i finally found the one." he looked up at sherlock. sherlock smiled, kissing john's forehead.

"i hope that's true to because if not, we're screwed." he huffed out laugh.

john laughed with him. he nuzzled his partner's neck, kissing the skin gently. sherlock wrapped an arm around john, holding him close. "i love you." he whispered into the sand colored hair.

"i love you, too." john muttered into sherlock's skin, kissing the skin again.

sherlock smiled to himself as he felt john's breathing slow down and his body relax against his. this is all he's ever wanted and hopefully it will last because this is great. he was in love with the man he's always wanted.


End file.
